AHAKS… JUST FOR LAUGHS

BRAIN TUMOR

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.

Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?

Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I’m dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?

Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

****

MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?

Mr. Bean: 9

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?

Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you’ve just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

****

WHILE IN A DRUG STORE

Mr. Bean: I’d like some vitamins for my grandson.

Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?

Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn’t know the alphabet yet!!

****

QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE

Friend: What are you looking at?

Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.

Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?

Mr. Bean: four asterisks!

****

Friend: how many women do you believe must a man marry?

Mr. Bean: 16

Friend: Why?

Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.

****

CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND

Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?

Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it’s a horror film. I didn’t see any picture.

Friend: What tape did you took anyway?

Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

****

Mr. Bean: (crying) the doctor called, Mom’s dead.

Friend: condolence, my friend.

After 2 minutes Mr. Bean cries even louder

Friend: what now?

Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

****

MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING

Colleague: Sorry I’m late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs. because of a power failure.

Mr. Bean: Thats alright, me too…I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.

****

Spelling lesson

Mr. Bean’s Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful….is it one c or two c?

Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

MAT RIDDLES

What do you call a Mat lawyer? 

Matlock! 

What do you call a Mat who’s driving a Mercedes Benz? 

Ahmat. (Chauffeur) 

How do you confuse a Mat? 

Put him in a circular room and ask him to relac one corner. 

What do you call a Mat bungee jumping? 

Mat Yo-yo

What do you call a young Mat ? 

Mini Mat 

What do you call a small, cheap Malay? 

Econ mini mat 

What is a Malay’s favourite tv show? 

Ali Matbeal 

Where is a Malay’s favourite shopping spot? 

Matro 

what do u call a pious malay man? 

mat saleh 

siapa dia anak pak husin ngok ngek kaki kontot kepala kemek? 

mat tahir ( as p ramlee said it ) 

wat do u call a safe malay man? 

selaMat 

wat do u call a neat malay man? 

se mat ( smart) 

what do u call a panicky malay man? 

gaMat 

what do u call a thrifty malay man? 

jiMat 

there is a Malaysian malay movie called, perempuan melayu terakhir, cerita lelaki melayu terakhir dipanggil apa? 

taMat 

KISAH SANTAN!!

Tersebut lah kisah tentang si Minah yg sewel separuh otak dek kerana jatuh dari katil kerana aksi tidur yg agak lasak… pusin sana pusin sini..last last terjatuh mereng kepala hotak separuh…. hehehe… okey.. tersebut lah kisah, satu hari dimana Ibunya sedang tengah sebuk memasak hidangan tengahari….

Ibu : Minahhhhhhhh….. meh tolong mak sat… gi kedai Pak Abu duda tu, tolong belikan mak Santan Kelapa….!!

Minah: oke mak …. bak sepuluh rengget..!

Ibu: Ape nye sampai sepuluh ringgit nak beli santanya Minah oiii….!! Nah Amik seringgit ni belikan mak santan…

Si Minah pun bergegas ke kedai runcit Pak Abu duda.. yg tak berapa jauh dari umah…… adelah 80 meter jauhnye… .. sesampai ke kedai Pak Abu… kelihatan ramai anak2 muda dan belia kampung sedang bermain Dam haji ditepi kedai si Pak Abu.

Minah: Pak Abu …!! PAk Abu !! Mak nak soh kita beli Santan kelapa lah…… nah seringgit….. Mak kata cukup ni…!!

Pak Abu dan bebudak muda2 semua ambil acuh tak acuh dengan kehadiran si Minah yg depa tau mereng separuh hotak ni… tak kuasa depa nak amik pot….

Si Rizal … tetiba membisikkan sesuatu kepada telinga si Pak Abu duda yg duduk disebelahnya,…… si Pak Abu duda pun lalu menyahut dan menyapa si Minah kembali…

Pak Abu: Minah….. Mmmmm cantik skirt awak..!!.. hehe,…. MMmm okay sebenarnya santan dah abih…. kelapa belum sempat petik kat pokok kelapa tu hah… ….. lutut pak Abu ni dah tua tak bule memanjat dah….. .. camnilah.. kalu Minah tolong panjatkan… Pak Abu kasik freeeeee…….(Sambil senyum sinis kepada semua yg tengah main dam kek situ)

Minah : Tinggi lahh Pak Abu.. mana sampai……!!

Pak Abu : Uiissssshhhhh…. ade tangga ni hah……. kami semua ni pegang tangga kat bawah, sambil Minah panjat atas amikan kelapa tu..

(jerat pak abu menskodeng si Minah mereng kian masuk jarumm…..)

Minah : Mmmmmm… okey kot… tapi pak abu semua pegang baik baik tau tangga ni…… nanti Minah campak kelapa kat bawa… sambut tauuuu!!!

Pak Abu ngan Ulat2 dam : Boley ajaaaaaaaaa………

Si Minah pun memanjat….. dan tercapai lah hajat si Pak Abu ngan kaumnya melayan nafsu menskodeng si Minah…!!!

Setiba di rumah dengan santan nya…

Ibu: Ape kene sampai sejam ko ni pegi beli santan kat kedai tu hahh Minah!!! Mana ko merewang pulak tadi..??

Minah : Eh takdelah Mak…. tadi Pak Abu tu soh Minah yg panjat sendirik pokok kelapa tu .. pastu dia kasik lah santan tu free kat Minah…….. nah amik serenget balik..!!

Mata mak minah tetiba mebulat terkejut……

Ibu : Apaaaaaa!!!!!! yg ko pegi ikut cakap diorang tu kenapa????? diorang tu amik kesempatan kat engkau lahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! (tempik ibu si Minah maraah!! )

Minah: iye ke mak??? mana ade…..@!!

Ibu: Hissshhh ape nak jadi dengan kau ni…… Pak Abu tu semua cuma nak ambil kesempatan kat engkau … depa nak intai kat dalam skirt kau tu hah…!!!

Minah: lah… apsal pulak diorang nak tengok kat dalam skirt ni??? (tanya Minah bingung?? )

Ibu: haissshhh… umur je dah 25!!! penat lah Mak nak eksplen kat kau ni…diorang nak intai seluar dalam kau tu lah…… (muka mak Minah makin merah dek marah!!)

Tetiba si Minah gelak tak ingat2…!!!! membuatkan maknya kehairanan tahap maksimum…….

Minah: Hahahaha… haha.. bodoh lah diorang tu mak….!!

Ibu: Apahal dengan ko ni….? Apa pulak tak kene ni??

Minah: AHAHAHAHAa…. kalu diorang ingat diorang pandai… Minah lagi pandailah mak…….!! jangan risau lah mak… diorang tak dapat tengok lah suar dalam Minah tadi…. Conferrrrrm!!

Ibu: lah iye ke….. kamu kata kamu…(belum sempat mak minah menghabiskan pertanyaan… )

Minah: Minah tak pakai suar dalam lah Mak !!!

Ibu: *%&! @ #(Pengsan)